


A Satisfactory Arrangement

by thefrailtyofgenius



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Arranged Marriage, M/M, Trans Male Character, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23643955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefrailtyofgenius/pseuds/thefrailtyofgenius
Summary: How can I (29M) ask my husband (26M) of 9 months to be in an actual romantic relationship with me?(based on a potentially truestorywithfurther updatesin the replies)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 27
Kudos: 301





	A Satisfactory Arrangement

**Author's Note:**

> super rough, but it was critical to my sanity that i post _something, anything_ today, so here we are.

Ushijima Wakatoshi isn’t the romantic type.

When his parents begin to pester him about his relationship prospects, his response makes that perfectly clear.

“I will not be marrying a woman.”

Because he’s gay. Not like he could change that, nor would he want to if he could. It’s part of who he is. Even if he isn’t the type to fall in love and go on dates and all that relationship nonsense, he refuses to live in denial of the appeal of other men.

“I will also not be marrying a man.”

Because his family would be horrified. The Adler Group’s prestigious reputation in the business world would fall to pieces if word were to come out that a member of the family was in a homosexual relationship. Much easier to just not get married at all. He’s not much of a people person anyway, and as he’s reiterated, romantic relationships are simply beyond him.

It isn’t till much later that he understands how little his reasons matter to his family.

He’s the only son, and other than the gay thing, he thinks he’s doing a pretty good job of it. After graduation, he throws himself into his work. He enjoys it, and he’s good at it, what more does he need? Sure, he may not have a happy little wife (nor does he want one), but he’s been expanding the Adler Group’s foreign interests for the past four years. Their current success is unprecedented, and he likes to think his efforts have been instrumental in achieving that.

He lives abroad, but travels back to visit his family frequently, keeping them up to date with their business in person almost as much as in calls and emails. And it is on one such visit that Wakatoshi meets him.

Unfortunately, _he_ is introduced to Wakatoshi as a “she” and is presented as a candidate for marriage. Wakatoshi has never felt so betrayed.

“Mother, I’ve told you—”

“Wakatoshi,” his mother smiles sweetly, trampling over his objection with the same casual venom with which she and his grandmother had suppressed his left-handedness as a child. Just another flaw to be flattened and smoothed out into perfection. The Ushijima family, holders of the controlling interests in the Adler Group, do not have a gay, left-handed son. That would be unacceptable.

He should have realized his no-marriage compromise wouldn’t work.

“The Hinatas recently became our biggest clients!” His mother continued. “We’re hoping for a long, fruitful relationship between our families, and they mentioned, oh, a few weeks ago,” she waves a hand airily, as if she hadn’t been prowling for a potential match for her perpetually single son, “that they have a daughter about your age! And here she is!”

The “daughter” in question sits sullenly at their dining table, not looking at anyone. Wakatoshi barely glances in that direction before turning back to his mother. “This is absurd. I came to have a nice meal and talk, not be ambushed in my own home.”

“You don’t live here anymore, _son_ ,” she hisses, some of her polite pretence dropping from her face. His father sits at the table with the unfortunate Hinata family member. Both of them seem nearly as unenthused about the occasion as Wakatoshi is. His mother is clearly the driving force of this attack. “You’ve got a very obvious _bachelor flat_ an ocean away from here. What goes on there, hmm?”

Literally just work. Wakatoshi doesn’t dare even have liaisons when there is so much at stake. He’s not a virgin, but for all the action he’s gotten after graduating college, he might as well be. Not that it’s any of his mother’s business. He clears his throat and says as much before grabbing the coat he had just taken off and stepping toward the door.

An unfamiliar voice pipes up behind him, “Wait, I’ll go, too!”

Wakatoshi doesn’t look back, but that’s not his mother’s voice, so he nods his assent. It may be more emphatic to leave by himself, but he’s certainly not going to deny this person their escape from his conniving mother. He knows better than most how terrible it feels to be under her roof and how amazing it is to leave it.

His father finally perks up in alarm. “Oh, but if you’re going to leave together anyway, why not have a bite to eat first?” He’s being sincere, certainly much kinder and more soft-spoken than Wakatoshi’s mother. “Your mother and I haven’t eaten on the porch in ages. We’ll just take this,” he grabs his plate and stands up, shooting his wife a look, “and let you two get acquainted over dinner, alright?”

It isn’t until his parents are outside with the door firmly closed that Wakatoshi hears Hinata speak again. Honestly, he would have been absolutely fine with not talking at all, or even just continuing to leave as he’d planned, but Hinata hasn’t moved from that spot at the table, and it seems especially rude to make his escape now.

Besides, what Hinata has to say is a doozy.

“I don’t want to marry you.” This is fair. And mutual. He does not want to marry Hinata either. Wakatoshi nods, completely unprepared for the following revelations.

“I mean, it’s not that you don’t seem like a nice guy.” Though Wakatoshi imagines he actually _doesn’t_ seem like a nice guy, considering he just tried to walk out on dinner with his parents.

“It’s more like _you_ don’t want to marry _me_.” Again, absolutely true.

“Because I’m a man.”

Wait, what?

Hinata looks him in the eye and reiterates. “I’m not a woman. I’m a trans man. I’m not out to my family for, uh, obvious reasons, but marrying me would be bad if you wanted to marry the eldest Hinata daughter because there is no such person, just me. A man.”

Wakatoshi’s eyes widen. “Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_ ,” Hinata snaps. “No pretty heiress or whatever it was you were looking for when you arranged this whole thing. So you got me alone, no parents around to ruin the mood or whatever. You happy now? Wanna marry a _man?_ ”

“I’m gay,” Wakatoshi says, finally, thoughtlessly. “I don’t want to get married anyway, but you being a man is not the main issue here.”

For the first time Wakatoshi takes a good look at him. He’s not dressed in a masculine manner, of course. The two of them have clearly prioritized keeping up appearances with their respective families for this event. He’s got a dense cloud of orange curls hanging down to his shoulders, and every inch of him Wakatoshi can see is covered in freckles. His eyes are golden brown and currently full of fury.

“Then why set this up?” He hisses, angrily tugging his hair back into a low ponytail. It suits him more than the loose look, putting his angular jawline on display. “Why put me through this, huh?” His pupils shrink to pinpoints. “Did you _know?_ ” He grabs Wakatoshi by the collar with surprising strength. “ _Who else knows?_ ”

Wakatoshi’s brows furrow, but he is as calm as ever in the face of this feral panic response. He puts his hands up in surrender. “Of course I didn’t know nor did I ‘set this up.’ I didn’t even know you existed until a few minutes ago, much less your gender.” He gives a pointed glance down at his collar, Hinata’s grip on the expensive material still firm.

Reluctantly, Hinata removes his hand. “Sorry, I guess.” His lackluster apology is unnecessary, and Wakatoshi is about to tell him so—tell him he can leave and that he will never reveal his secret, that they can pretend this never happened and move on with their lives, no questions asked—but Hinata has other plans. “Well, I’m still not too happy about all this and I’m pretty sure Mr. and Mrs. Ushijima will come back and bother us again, so…wanna get outta here?”

They escape, offering reassurances to Wakatoshi’s parents via text that they’d be having dinner together elsewhere. However, instead of parting ways then and there, Hinata seems set on following through on dinner. Wakatoshi is pleasantly surprised at the invitation. After all, he’s clearly not a gifted conversationalist, and he’d thought Hinata couldn’t possibly want anything to do with him after that fiasco, but they…actually have a good time. Hinata does all the talking, and Wakatoshi is actually a decent listener.

The smaller man seems pleased to have someone whom he can confide in. Wakatoshi supposed there’s a certain relief, even euphoria, in sharing a secret, having a confidante. He’d never intended to become that for Hinata, but when he suggests exchanging numbers at the end of the night, Wakatoshi does not refuse.

***

They’ve been texting on and off for three months, and Wakatoshi never fails to take Hinata out to dinner when he visits his parents, usually a couple of times a month. Both families are delighted at their continued interaction, and it suits them both to have that constant pressure to date and marry ease off a little.

Besides that, Wakatoshi has found Hinata genuinely pleasant to talk to. He knows a bit about the business in which Wakatoshi and their families operate, and he’s not shy about his opinions, willing to criticize Wakatoshi’s decisions when even some of his colleagues are afraid to do so. More than that, he’s…a friend. Sure, they’ve both got secrets and it’s amazing to have someone with whom they can share them, but Hinata, in his home country, has a vast friend group and support system for all of his non-secret-related woes. Wakatoshi, despite having been in his city for over four years now, cannot say the same. He’s got “work friends” and a few people he’d known in college who still text occasionally, but nothing approaching the level of companionship, even _intimacy_ he’s naturally achieved with Hinata.

**(HS) everyday i thank the gods that i’m an A-cup**

**(HS) like rip to the DD trans men, i hate my body enough without coping w that shit**

**(HS) all things considered, i have it better than most**

**(UW) doesn’t mean you can’t be sad**

**(UW) i think even people with perfect lives are sad sometimes**

**(UW) and your life definitely isn’t perfect**

**(HS) never said I was sad**

**(UW) didn’t have to**

***

The next time Wakatoshi goes home, Hinata “proposes” to him.

“It’ll literally solve all our problems!” Hinata says, as if that’s not completely false and ridiculous. Their problems are deep and complex, threaded through their lives and bodies and hearts in ways that can’t be fixed. But Hinata is an aggressive optimist. It’s one of the things Wakatoshi likes best about him.

He must have some kind of amused or disbelieving face on because Hinata screws up his face into a pout and demands, “I’m being _serious_ , Toshi!” The nickname is something he started using a few weeks ago. Wakatoshi thinks it’s cute, something he does not typically associate with himself.

“If we get married, you’ll have a ‘wife.’” He puts up air quotes and says the word with a heavy dose of contempt. “And I’ll have a husband. Nobody screaming at us about forming alliances and shit through marriage anymore. Plus, I can go to grad school over there with you!”

Wakatoshi is starting to come around. Maybe it _isn’t_ such a terrible idea, but—“What about your friends?”

Hinata frowns. “What do you mean?”

“You have friends here,” Wakatoshi states. “Presumably, you do not want to leave them.”

The frown deepens. “They all think I’m a girl.”

“You could tell them,” Wakatoshi points out before leaning forward to slurp at his soba.

“Yeah, right.” Hinata scoffs and picks at his rice. He’s usually a hearty eater, but he’s barely touched his katsudon. “They’d probably tell my parents and get me committed or something.” He tilts his head. “Except maybe Yachi, but I’m pretty sure she’s gay, too.”

Wakatoshi raises an eyebrow. “They don’t sound like good friends.”

“ _Duh_.” Hinata sticks out his tongue. “That’s why you gotta marry me and take me to the land of opportunity. Away from the fake bitches.” He takes a huge bite of his meal.

“‘Fake bitches’ are everywhere,” Wakatoshi deadpans, causing Hinata to inhale his rice. Wakatoshi looks at him in concern as he coughs, but Hinata eventually waves him off.

“So will you?” Hinata fans his face, eyes watering.

Wakatoshi blinks. “Will I…?”

Hinata rolls his eyes, reaching for his water. He takes a long, apparently cleansing gulp and wipes at his eyes once more, seemingly recovered now. “I can’t believe you’re gonna make me say it. Will you marry me?”

Despite the distractions, Wakatoshi has been considering it carefully since Hinata brought it up. “Yes, I think I will.”

***

The wedding happens less than a month later. Wakatoshi thinks both families are worried they’ll change their minds and are trying to get it banged out as quick as possible. After all, they don’t know how long this “cure” for Wakatoshi’s sexuality will last.

Hinata is utterly thrilled at the prospect of a big wedding up until his family tries to take him dress shopping. After that, his reluctance for a public ceremony is so obvious, Wakatoshi rushes to make it right, telling his family they want something small, intimate, out of the public eye. If he and Hinata were going to be spouses, he doesn’t want to start it off with the massive dysphoria wearing a huge floofy white dress in front of a crowd would undoubtedly cause Hinata.

Thankfully, the two families are too overjoyed to argue. It helps that arranging a large wedding in such a short time was already going to be a Herculean task. Cutting a potentially enormous guest list and the resources needed to cater to them makes everything go much smoother.

Eloping, however, is even easier.

When Hinata suggests it, Wakatoshi thinks he’s crazy. But then, Wakatoshi also thought he was crazy when he brought up the idea of them getting married in the first place. Based on that logic alone, Wakatoshi knows he is going to give in.

So they elope.

Hinata wears a black tux. It’s the first tailored piece of male clothing he has ever owned. Wakatoshi feels something warm inside himself growing when he sees him in it. He himself is kitted out in a blinding white suit that Hinata had absolutely insisted upon. His explanation had been something about defying gender roles, which confuses Wakatoshi mightily considering they’re both men. When he says as much, Hinata just grins widely and shoves him into the dressing room.

They both end up buying each other their wedding outfits, though Wakatoshi imagines his own was far more expensive, considering the size and color. He is sure to thank Hinata after they’re finished.

The procedure (not “ceremony.” This is a signing of papers and a quick peck to keep up appearances in front of the judge) goes fairly quickly and uneventfully. Hinata’s friend Yachi and her girlfriend (Hinata’s theory regarding her sexuality was apparently correct) serve as their witnesses in silent solidarity. Wakatoshi’s not sure how much they know, but the mere fact that Hinata has entrusted this task to them makes him thankful for their existence. Hinata will not be entirely friendless if his secret gets out.

As soon as they sign the appropriate papers (marriage license, name change, all kinds of things Wakatoshi never would have guessed were involved), it’s done. In just a few minutes, they’ve changed their lives irrevocably. Wakatoshi is no longer single, now married to someone who stopped existing the very moment they signed those name change papers. After all, Hinata isn’t a Hinata anymore. The man standing beside him, grinning like a loon, is Ushijima Shoyou. His husband.

Hinata’s— _Shouyou’s_ parents are furious at the elopement, but Wakatoshi’s are just relieved the marriage _exists_. They do what they can to smooth things over, reminding them that Shouyou is now officially Wakatoshi’s “dominion,” according to their traditional values. That and a bit more pull as shareholders in the Adler group go a long way toward appeasing them. And as long as the Ushijimas have it on public record that their son is married to “the lovely daughter of a good family,” there’s not much they won’t forgive.

Meanwhile, Shouyou cares not a whit for what either family thinks. He’s devoting all his energy to applying to grad school and anything left over goes to whining incessantly at Wakatoshi to get a new flat so he can move in.

It takes about three months before Wakatoshi finds a suitable residence, not too far from his office nor from the university Shouyou will be attending. It’s just in time, too, as the semester starts a little less than a week after he secures the property.

So, as he and Shouyou go about decorating their rooms, trying to make a grocery list and arranging a chore schedule, life begins to settle into the new normal.

***

The “new normal” is stressing Wakatoshi out. And it’s all Shoyou’s fault.

Not that he’d ever actually _blame_ Shouyou, of course. The man is just living his life.

With only Wakatoshi (his _husband_ ) to know the full extent of his transformation, Shouyou immediately throws himself into becoming the man he’s always been. Since the laws and social standards here aren’t nearly as strict and overbearing as they are in Japan, he isn’t even shy about demanding the changes necessary for his proper gender expression. He has no one to impress or keep up appearances for besides their families, and as Shouyou likes to gloat (and simultaneously bemoan, as is the Shouyou way) to them now that they’re married, “what my husband says goes.”

It is up to “the man of the house” to dictate what his “wife” can and cannot do and say and wear, after all. So if Wakatoshi “allows” him to cut his hair short and wear masculine clothes (and start testosterone injections—but that’s probably going to stay a secret until revealing it becomes unavoidable), then they have to accept it.

And they do, of course. They must. Every once in a blue moon, tradition works out in his favor, and Shouyou intends to take full advantage. The glee in his eyes makes any of the side-eyed looks Wakatoshi gets from his family utterly worth it. It’s not as if he wasn’t getting those before anyway. Now, at least, someone is getting something out of it.

So as Wakatoshi’s husband-cum-roommate steadily grows more and more secure in his manhood, attending classes and reveling in his independence, Wakatoshi himself is growing more and more… _fond_. They’re already friends—already _married_ , for gods’ sakes—but the relationship between them doesn’t match either of those labels. Wakatoshi doesn’t know _where_ they stand exactly, and Shouyou isn’t helping.

Which brings him back to the source of his stress.

As the weeks wear on, Shouyou’s been getting closer and closer—both figuratively, as they settle into their daily routine and become increasingly comfortable slotting their quirks and habits and routines into the same shared life—and literally, like when Shouyou drapes himself across his lap while Wakatoshi’s unwinding after work with a nature documentary. Or when Shouyou holds onto his arm on the train before they have to split off onto different lines to get to work and school. Or, and this is a big one, when Shouyou bounds into his room holding his laptop and sitting on Wakatoshi’s bed smelling like green apple shampoo.

Now that he’s married, Wakatoshi’s family aren’t nearly as demanding about him visiting in person. He’s a busy man with a family to provide for (Wakatoshi doesn’t even _touch_ the hints they’re throwing his way about _that_ ), so he can’t be haring off to another country for mere social reasons. They’re happy to get updates via the occasional video call, which Shouyou usually initiates, smug as he is about his newfound freedom. But it’s apparently too much work to constantly change rooms when starting and ending a video call, so Shouyou elects to simply not do that. Changing rooms, that is. He comes in with the laptop, face all sly smiles and false modesty as they talk to their families, then when the call has ended, he just stays. Doesn’t leave or so much as change position, merely snaps the laptop shut and waits for Wakatoshi to say something.

Wakatoshi doesn’t say a thing, of course. He’s pleased to have attained this level of trust. He only leaves the bed to brush his teeth, and when he comes back, Shouyou is there, curled into a drowsy ball of sunshine on his bed, murmuring, “I really like you, ya know?” Wakatoshi smiles but remains silent, joining him as if this is normal and unremarkable.

It’s become a habit now. He has been sleeping with his husband for _weeks_. But of course, it’s only in the most chaste and wholesome sense of the phrase.

Or rather, it’s _supposed_ to be chaste and wholesome. Sometimes Wakatoshi awakens in a, er, state not fit for company and finds himself pressed snugly (satisfyingly) against his husband’s back. If Shouyou ever woke before him, he would most definitely notice it, and then Wakatoshi would have to kill himself. Thankfully, though, Wakatoshi is an early riser (ugh) and can usually remove himself from the situation while his husband is still asleep. A morning run and a cold shower usually do the trick quite nicely.

At least the, uh…morning situation is natural and, to some extent, unavoidable. Even such thrilling occasions as “Shouyou is sitting on my lap and moving a lot while eating breakfast” or “Shouyou is taking an awfully long time to pick something up off the floor” can generally be excused as biological responses. Shouyou is an attractive man. He only just started T three months ago (Wakatoshi knows the exact date and how long it’s been—they celebrate each month), so the results aren’t exactly visible yet, but Shouyou has always been fastidious about taking care of his body, and Wakatoshi has not failed to notice. So yeah, Wakatoshi is attracted to his husband, but he’s not an animal; he can keep it in his pants. 

No, it’s his reactions to mundane and unsexy events like “Shouyou joked about sharing a shower” and “Shouyou suggested a double date” and “Shouyou scrunched up his nose at what I suggested for dinner” that have Wakatoshi feeling worried and guilty. Shouyou is a naturally warm and affectionate person—his behavior, while needlessly tactile, isn’t out of the ordinary for him and the way he treats just about everyone. Even strangers are merely friends he hasn’t met yet in Shouyou’s eyes. It’s Wakatoshi whose behavior is atypical in this case. His normally healthy heart beats light and irregular in his chest at the sight of Shouyou even when he’s not doing anything in particular. Wakatoshi _really likes_ his husband. It’s _awful._

Out of context, he supposes it’s actually kind of expected. Boring, even. A handsome (Wakatoshi’s not shy about it) young man united in marriage to another handsome young man should very well be sleeping with him (in _every_ sense of the word) and attracted to him and feeling affectionate toward him.

Full context is absolutely crucial to understanding why Wakatoshi is having a meltdown. A gay heir, a trans man, a marriage of convenience, a lot of unsanctioned feelings. If anyone is to understand his dilemma, to offer informed advice or critique, he’ll have to tell the whole story.

So he does.

***

When it comes to the things Wakatoshi can’t tell others (namely the gay thing, but Shouyou has a way of dragging other things out of him), his main confidante is his husband. But since this is _about_ his husband, he finds himself forced to write it all out.

It’s actually kind of cathartic, just putting the story into words. Wakatoshi’s more of a numbers man, and he’s never been terribly introspective, so this may be the most he’s written outside of professional emails in years.

Posting said story on an internet forum is certainly the opposite of professional. But if he wants feedback, he can’t very well just write it out then delete it immediately, can he? The story’s already written, so all he really needs is a quick edit and a title synopsis: **How can I (29M) ask my husband (26M) of 9 months to be in an actual romantic relationship with me?**

The responses he gets are…encouraging? And overwhelming. And a little unrealistic, but he appreciates the support and positivity. Most of all, there are so many messages reiterating in so many ways the same exact sentiment: **Just tell him.**

And words cannot describe just how much Wakatoshi _cannot do that._

Shouyou had entered into this marriage with him for the sole purpose of getting away from his parents and working on his postgrad. Wakatoshi telling him he wants to make it a legitimate marriage (or relationship? Dating?) out of nowhere wasn’t going to go well. In essence, he’d be turning the whole situation into a trap where Shouyou feels beholden to him, unable to refuse his advances for fear of losing the benefits of the marriage.

**But it sounds like he likes you, too!**

Of course Shouyou likes him. Shouyou likes _everyone_. He imagines the new friends he’d made at university probably experience a lot of the same snuggling and lack of personal space Wakatoshi does with him at home. Wakatoshi has met a few of them: the volleyball player (on a “victory lap,” Shouyou ruthlessly teases) has a habit of tussling with him like children; the smarmy paleontology postdoc is always putting his hands in Shouyou’s hair and getting sharp little elbows (Wakatoshi knows from experience) in the ribs as revenge; and the astronomy TA (who will slip him test scores if he whines enough, apparently) will lean on his shoulder and give him hugs.

Sure, none of them sleep in the same bed with him, but they’re also not legally married to him and living in the same home. It’s different, but not enough for him to be justified in getting all…lovey-dovey.

**Show him this post!**

That sounds nearly as terrifying as telling him face-to-face, but with the added bonus of Shouyou seeing that he had posted about their lives on a public forum. He’d omitted personal details, of course, but Wakatoshi still feels very exposed, and he’s the one who’d posted it. He can't imagine how Shouyou would react.

**What about a letter? If you—**

“Are you _working? Now?_ ” Shouyou’s voice jolts him from his intense contemplation of his phone. It’s easier to access the forum discreetly from there rather than his laptop, but it appears his husband has noticed his preoccupation.

“No.” He’s sitting against the headboard of his (their?) bed, Shouyou previously asleep beside him, now squinting suspiciously at him and his phone. The room is dark except for the glowing rectangle of his phone screen. A glance at the clock tells him Shouyou is right to be incredulous. It’s two in the morning.

“Go to sleep, you’re going to be unbearable tomorrow if you don’t,” Shouyou grouses, burying his head in the pillow beside him.

Wakatoshi nods and sets his phone down. Alright then.

***

Wakatoshi is once again the first to wake up next morning, despite the upsetting brevity of his sleep. He carefully extracts himself from Shouyou’s arms—this time it’s Shouyou plastered to his back instead of the reverse, so that’s one less thing to worry about this morning.

He immediately picks up his phone and checks his post. The denizens of this forum are apparently very invested in his love life, though he’s starting to wonder if they realize he is, in fact, a real person and not a character in the world’s worst romantic comedy. Either way, he’s seen some decent ideas, and he’s not going to ignore them just because they’re from strangers on the internet.

Some recommendations, like asking him on a date or cooking for him or writing him a more intimate letter full of his personal feelings, have merit. Wakatoshi has time this morning, so… Shouyou likes omurice. Seems doable.

“Are you cheating on me?” Shouyou raises an eyebrow at him when he brings in the plate of (slightly salty but probably fine) omurice.

This is another of those unsexy moments that makes Wakatoshi’s heart beat out of time. It’s probably a joke, but— “Of course not. I just wanted to make you breakfast.”

Shouyou grins, a perfect aboutface from his prior suspicion. “Yeah, you don’t have enough game for a side piece.” He giggles and picks up his chopsticks. “I never say no to free food!”

In direct contradiction to those words, he proceeds to turn down his favorite snack when Wakatoshi brings it back that evening. Apparently he’d already eaten on campus. But Wakatoshi is going to count it as a win because he smiles. Honestly, if Shouyou just keeps smiling at him, Wakatoshi will be perfectly happy.

But he does more than smile, and Wakatoshi is suffering.

Shouyou is a dangerous creature of equal aggression and affection. He falls asleep splayed across Wakatoshi’s lap, features relaxed and without a care in the world. Wakatoshi carries him to bed ( _their_ bed), only for Shouyou to (adorably) sneeze himself awake an hour or two later. He immediately sees Wakatoshi yet again hovering over his phone.

“Really? Again?” Shouyou makes to snatch the phone from him, but Wakatoshi holds it out of his reach with ease. The resulting scuffle leaves them both breathless, albeit for different reasons. In the end, Wakatoshi retains possession of his phone but surrenders to Shouyou’s demands for head scratches. He’s like a cat sometimes.

***

Wakatoshi leaves the letter in Shouyou’s school bag a few days later. This way Wakatoshi will not have to face him but can still pour his heart out onto the page for his husband to see.

The contents of this letter detail his unexpected love (yes, he thinks it _is_ love; he’s ridiculous), his fondness for Shouyou’s…everything (the list is _very_ long, but once he started, he couldn’t stop), his acknowledgement of Shouyou as a man (this was never in doubt, but sometimes he thinks about the reason their families’ agreed to their union and feels the need to reiterate), and that he does not expect anything—nothing will change if Shouyou does not want it to.

He hopes he has at least made himself clear, if not necessarily eloquent or romantic.

He supposes he’ll have to wait and see.

***

The letter was a terrible idea.

The wait-and-see plan seems to have backfired. Wakatoshi’s been waiting for over a week. He has yet to see.

He doesn’t know if Shouyou simply hasn’t read the letter or if he’s read it and decided the best way to refuse his advances is to say nothing and go on as usual. At least nothing seems to have changed for the worse, but Wakatoshi doesn’t know if he can continue living in suspense like this.

Not to mention, the internet is practically foaming at the mouth for him to make a move, give another update, _something_. It’s very persuasive and a little bit frightening.

It’s Sunday morning. He’s still in bed (no subpar breakfast attempts today), staring at a very well-spoken commenter’s advice and wishing he was similarly well-spoken.

Shouyou was initially wrapped around his torso, but he has rolled away to the other side of the bed, a wrinkle between his brows preceding the unusual behavior. When he awakes with a moan, Wakatoshi is unsurprised to hear him mention a headache. He may be generally excellent about exercise and hygiene, but sometimes he forgets to stay hydrated and doesn’t realize until he’s kicking Wakatoshi in his sleep and complaining of dry mouth. He hands him a glass of water he’d prepared just for this eventuality, shaking his head as Shouyou drains the glass in seconds. He doesn’t know if this is the kind of thing the forum wants to know, so he only mentions the headache.

Apparently grumpy from the pain (and perhaps being seen as predictable), Shouyou frowns and says something Wakatoshi could _not_ have predicted. “It’s not helping yet. Put down your stupid phone and kiss it better,” he demands.

Wakatoshi stares at him. They’ve been married for over six months, known each other even longer, and the only time they’ve ever kissed was on their wedding day. No feelings, no attachments, no tongue, just a step in that particular procedure. Shouyou asking him for a kiss now…

Has he read the letter? Maybe he’s just joking again?

He must have remained silent for too long because Shouyou shakes his head and climbs out of bed. “Forget it. I’ll make breakfast.”

“Don’t forget to drink water,” Wakatoshi advises automatically, then smacks himself in the forehead.

He’s an idiot.

***

Neither of them have things to do that day, but he barely sees Shouyou anyway. The flat’s not that big, so he must be working hard to avoid him.

Wakatoshi turns to the internet in despair, but he is screamed off the forum almost immediately upon his last update. Also, at some point he’d been banned from the Relationships category. He’s never failed at something this badly before.

By the time that evening rolls around, Wakatoshi is convinced that Shouyou is not only refusing to join him in their (his?) bed but also that Shouyou probably no longer wants anything to do with him at all.

He’s engaging in what might rapidly become a pity party if he doesn’t put a stop to it soon when Shouyou peeks around the doorway to his (their?) room. “Are you still being stupid?” He asks.

Wakatoshi doesn’t know what to say to that. Probably? He doesn’t want to be, but his husband and the internet and his own throbbing heart are all making him feel like the world’s biggest, saddest fool. Wakatoshi just swallows and stares at him.

Shouyou rolls his eyes and turns to leave, but Wakatoshi desperately doesn’t want that. “Wait.”

Shouyou does. He’s standing squarely in the middle of the doorway now, arms crossed, swallowed by one of Wakatoshi’s old university shirts and little else. He sighs. “You gotta talk to me, Toshi. I can’t read minds.”

“I love you,” Wakatoshi blurts.

“I know,” Shouyou responds immediately, impatient. “That’s not gonna get you out of trouble for whatever it is you did.”

Wakatoshi gapes. “No, I…” He takes a moment to wonder if he did, in fact, do something he should be worried about. The forum post? Should he show that to Shouyou? He shakes himself. No, he needs to finally talk. He’s here declaring himself and Shouyou is misunderstanding it all. “I mean, romantically,” he clarifies. “I love you romantically.”

Shouyou’s face scrunches up at the repetition. “Yeah…I get that.” Still frowning mightily, he ventures into the room. Wakatoshi holds his breath as he climbs onto the bed, hand clenched around his phone. “Give me a hug, you stupid baby,” Shouyou demands, opening his arms.

Wakatoshi immediately complies, sinking into his husband’s embrace and taking in the apple scent of his shampoo. He doesn’t notice Shouyou picking up his phone to see what’s had him preoccupied for so long until his shoulders start shaking in his arms. Concerned, Wakatoshi moves back to get a good look at his face.

Shouyou is laughing silently, tears streaming down his face as he scrolls down the screen. He can’t have seen much, but Wakatoshi’s sure he’s seen enough. “Oh my god,” Shouyou gasps, throwing his head back and banging it against the headboard. Wakatoshi hisses and worriedly examines the back of his head, trying to make out any sign of injury through the dense orange curls even as Shouyou’s laughter grows louder, taking on a hysterical edge.

“I can’t believe— you thought…?” Shouyou’s laughter fades into confusion as Wakatoshi runs a hand through his hair, finally determining that his ridiculous husband’s head is intact.

“Toshi, look at me,” Shouyou insists, calmer now. His golden eyes practically glow with an odd mixture of mirth and sympathy. “I love you, too. Romantically. You big idiot.” He shoves the phone in Wakatoshi’s face. “Did you really go on reddit instead of just asking me?”

Without waiting for an answer, he shakes his head disbelievingly and continues, “Look here! You describe yourself as, like, cool and stoic?” The look Shouyou gives him is indescribable. “Have you ever _seen_ yourself, Toshi? Dear _god_.”

Wakatoshi barely hears any of this, still stuck on the _“I love you, too”_ part. It’s his favorite. It keeps playing in his head. Shouyou loves him back. He must say something out loud because the smirk on Shouyou’s face morphs into something soft and fond.

“Did you think I went around proposing to just anyone? You’re it. We’re married, you’re mine. My person.” He pauses. “And me, too. For you.”

Wakatoshi’s eyes are burning. When was the last time he cried? “I thought—you didn’t…”

“I _told_ you I liked you,” Shouyou insists.

Wakatoshi takes a moment to scan his memory. Oh. _Oh_. “You mean…?”

“Stupid!” Shouyou accuses. “I told you, and you didn’t say anything, so I thought you were just shy or something.”

“I thought _you_ were shy!” Wakatoshi counters. “You kept getting close and then stopping—”

“Because you looked _terrified!_ ” Shouyou cuts in, voice high with disbelief. “I thought I was overstepping or going too fast for you. God, _think_ for a second, Toshi: _when have I ever been shy?_ ” Shouyou groans, plastering a hand to his face.

Wakatoshi finally sets to gathering his wits about him and he’s delighted to find himself in a reality where the man he married is sitting in his lap, making fun of him for being oblivious. “So you knew?” He wonders aloud.

Shouyou snorts. “I didn’t think you were this big of a moron. I want a divorce.” He immediately counters the words by nuzzling into Wakatoshi’s neck. “You’ve been acting like a doting husband since before you even _became_ a doting husband. Of _course_ I knew. Besides, everyone loves me. I’m amazing.” Shouyou certainly has no lack of ego, Wakatoshi reflects fondly, feeling his husband grin into the skin beneath his ear. “I thought you just weren’t the type to talk about it, not that you were too dumb to realize it yourself.”

Wakatoshi wants to point out that he is objectively very intelligent, but he knows this is going to backfire on him. Shouyou is on a roll right now, and honestly, Wakatoshi is content to sit here and get roasted by the tiny redhead sitting atop him.

A thought occurs. “You never saw the letter, did you?”

Shouyou frowns. “What letter?”

Of course. Without responding, Wakatoshi solemnly removes Shouyou from his lap and walks to get his school bag. At the bottom, crushed and creased beneath a few books and a laptop, is the letter he wrote. Wordlessly, he hands it to Shouyou.

***

Shouyou jumps him.

How Wakatoshi ever thought his husband was shy, he’ll never know. No, Shouyou knows _exactly_ what he wants, and he proves very efficient at making Wakatoshi want it, too.

***

Later, Shouyou makes him post an apology (and also whatever else Shouyou commands) on the forum because “you worried a whole bunch of nerds for no good reason. You deserve to be punished.” And that’s that.

Even after said apology—everyone was very understanding, actually—the post is still getting constant comments and requests for updates. Shouyou gladly dictates his demands.

 **He’s 172cm.** Shouyou wants everyone to know he’s “not tiny.”

This agenda is not helped by subsequent requests for Wakatoshi’s own height (192cm) and further cooing over their height difference. Shouyou is incensed.

“I can’t believe you made them think I was all shy and submissive!” He rages after giving Wakatoshi another (frankly ridiculous) message to post. Something about tops and bottoms and unexpected power dynamics. He should have known Shouyou wouldn’t be deterred by the exposed nature of the public post, the little exhibitionist.

“Tell them about how you banged your elbow against the bedside table when I did That Thing.” Wakatoshi does, though the “thing” in question will remain forever unspecified to the thirsty audience of his post.

Wakatoshi is walking on air. He and his husband share the same bed for sleeping and for not-sleeping. Shouyou kisses him regularly. The internet only knows some of it, thank god.

“I really like you.”

“Love you, too, idiot.”

***

**Author's Note:**

> lmk whatcha think! or just keysmash and i'll send you a winky face back or smth, idk
> 
> i’m Marlene and you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/merlinhurricane) and [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/merlinhurricane) if you ever wanna talk. i know we're all sad and bored lately and i'm no exception hmu
> 
> -MH
> 
> xoxo


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